- April 20, 2017 -
New Discord server launched!
President Yisroel.Rabin
Many of you have suggested I make a Discord server to go alongside our FANTASTIC Skype group. To that I say, let's go for it! I've put together the most beautiful Discord server for our Supporters to join and have fun in. In order to overthrow the 3vil administration, we need to bond as a team, and I intend to o just that, believe me.
If you're a Supporter, and would like to join our FANTASTICALLY AMAZING Discord server, click here or use the following link.
Link: https://discord.gg/vr4RVg7
P.S. If you have any suggestions for Bots or other interesting features we can include to the server, feel free to shout them out on the server or in the Skype group.
- April 19, 2017 -
Press briefing with the President on new Anti-MTGA movement
President Yisroel.Rabin
*I walk in looking tired and depressed, as I do*
Hmmmmpf (that's what me inhaling through my nose through a microphone sounds like).
Before we begin this press briefing, I'd like to mention that I just had the most delicious and most beautiful cake Tanki has ever seen, ever. It was FANTASTICALLY good. You should try it some time. But before you do, let's get down to business!
This press briefing is all about the new movement which has been brought to my attention, the Anti Make Tanki Great Again movement. Before we dive deep into this group of BAD people, let me just say, that's one BAD name. They litreally just took our name and put 'Anti' in front of it. Oh well, not everyone could have as much creativity as me *big smile* (click).
Anyways, these guys are literally, quite literally, POURING INTO OUR CAMPAIGN, trying to steal our AMAZING Supporters and followers and round up our jobs, which, by the way, I am bringing back big league. BAD hombres who need to be dealt with VERY FAST.
They wanted to work with me; to have a "friendly fight" which would be a "big joke." Let me tell you people what I told them; "NO WAY HOMBRE!" (click) They thing this is some sort of joke, but it isn't. This is real life and very serious. I am here to put us first, and quite frankly, it's become quite hard to do just that with all these horrible people flooding in here like a bunch of lunatics.
Before I go completely insane – and let me tell you, I can go very insane sometimes, just ask my daughter, Flexoo, I can go VERY insane sometimes – let's take a few questions from this fantastic crowd of people.
"Mr. President, I got an invitation to join the Anti-MTGA movement, why shouldn't I join?" — Neutrino
"Why shouldn't you join"? Oh, please, go ahead, join those hombres, and believe me when I say I don't care, so long as you leak all their private information to me.
"Would you... You know what, nevermind." — Maf
Yes, I would, absolutely. BIG LEAUGE!
"How can we combat their nuclear dictionaries?" — kaisdf
We have tactics like you've never seen before. We have armed Magnums ready to shoot full force against anyone who touches us. I mean, look for yourself, I already bombed North Kunger and you don't see them fighting back, because that's how tough we are! And let me tell you something, the Anti MTGA army is not even strong at all. They threatened to bomb Iran if we didn't give into their demands, and I was just in Iran — I actually had this fantastic salad there; sliced tomatoes and freshly salted cucumbers, probably the best salad any human has ever had before — and it (Iran, despite the salad) was PERFECTLY FINE, believe me. Fine
"Which campaign has better cookies?" — kaisdf
We have the best cookies! Our cookies are great, our cookies are truly great. They are the greatest cookies you've ever seen and will ever see. You know, I actually had a box earlier today, they were great, believe me. Simply fantastic.
"President, how do you plan to get rid of these guys?" — 'Anonymous'
*Be right back, I have to go copy and paste something*
"Now, I want to build the wall. We need the wall. And the Border Patrol, Drug Management Department, they all want the wall. We stop the drugs. We shore up the border. One of my first acts will be to get all of the drug lords, all of the bad ones — we have some bad, bad people in this country that have to go out. We're going to get them out; we're going to secure the border.
And once the border is secured, at a later date, we'll make a determination as to the rest. But we have some bad hombres here, and we're going to get them out!"
Same goes for the Anti MTGA movement. These are some very very bad people who are, quite literally, against making Tanki great again. We have to get these guys out and I plan to do it in just the same way as I will with the rest of the bad drug lords. BAD HOMBRES WILL GO!
"Mr. President, I was just wondering if you spoke with the President of the Anti MTGA campaign, and if you have, what did you two discuss?" — 'A CNN reporter'
Well, I actually have. We discussed many thin— Hold on, "A CNN reporter"? FAKE NEWS! HORRIBLE PERSON! GET OUT! WE'RE DONE!
I think that about wraps it up for now. In conclusion; we've got some weak yet bad people pouring into our campaign like fire ants, and believe me, I know fire ants. In 2003, I got stung by a fire ant and let me tell you, it did not feel good. Tanki first! Make Tanki Great Again!
*I walk out, smiling and waving, as I do*
- April 17, 2017 -
Statement regarding the 'Anti-MTGA' Campaign.
Supreme Court Justice Therider
Primarily, I would like to thank the President for the nomination and appointment to the Supreme Court. I hope to hold all those who would break the Supreme Law of Tanki accountable.
My first action, as per the laws of TO, is to declare this foolhardy 'Anti-MTGA Campaign' unconstitutional on the grounds of annoying the President. We have investigated the evidence provided and concluded that this counts as hate speech and not adequate protest. I hereby declare that this mockery of a campaign cease with haste. Should you fail to comply you will be branded an enemy of EN Tanki, an enemy of the president, a dissenter to change and be hunted down by our Railguns, Thunders and Ricochets.
Once again, I am eternally grateful to the president for this honour and will serve at his pleasure. In response to the gentleman above I am confident that I've made the proper decision.
- April 16, 2017 -
Anti-MTGA movement started, President unhappy and disappointed.
Press Secretary Avante_Garde
A recent movement has opened up which thrives to tear down our movement. The anti-MTGA movement, as they call themselves, has quickly been brought to the President's attention, and he is mad.
"It very bad how these hombres are starting a movement against their own kind. They literally call themselves 'The Anti Make Tanki Great Again Movement.' What do they want? To make Tanki bad? VERY WRONG!
UNACCEPTED! #MakeTankiGreatAgain #MTGA #GetTheseHombresOut!"
The President will hold a press briefing later today, discussing the specific points he'd like to voice out about this very bad campaign.
Also note that I'm very thankful today for taking today's press briefing because today's Sunday and that means extra gum day for Spicy Grady!
- April 13, 2017 -
Secretary of State Angry at President for Taking Credit for Everything
Press Secretary Avante_Garde
Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to report these serious allegations. Our very own Secretary of State, Goldm0lt, has contacted me (a few days ago but I'm lazy) to report on these allegations.
According to him, he designed most of the web page, wrote most of our esteemed president's words on the title shpiel, and that Rabin is taking all the glory from him.
These shocking accusations were meet the words "mult", "nug", and "wait, gold is alive?". However, these are serious allegations, to which our president with luxurious hair said "WRONG! That is absolutely wrong! Nothing in this project has been done by GoldRock and nothing he says will change that, and frankly, he’s been very very wrong! He has to be put in his place and be told not to lie. I will have to deal with this soon. PROBLEM! BAD!”"
This has been a titanic report, once there have been further developments, I will let you know. But for right now, I need to restock on Trident gum. (Trident is still DEFINETLY not a SPONSOR).
- April 11, 2017 -
President Successfully Receives a Building Permit
Press Secretary Avante_Garde
Ladies and Gentlemen, we have received very good news. The President has successfully obtained a building permit for a wall, from himself.
Through 2 long hours of legal procedures, which include but are not limited to getting the paper, getting a pen, finding a different pen because the first didn't work, getting publicity photos, brushing teeth, garnering twitter hype, and breaking the second pen, our glorious leader signed the form itself.
The document consisted of detailed drawings and a beautiful signature *Image not provided so it can't be forged*, the wall permit is put into place. The expected costs are "A Lot" and it is expected to be paid "whenever" by "German Nugs". As for when construction begins, well, it is currently stuck in bureaucracy. It has been handed off to Damn_Slow, our chief of staff, we expect to hear back from him very soon. With that said, I feel like I should chew some Trident Gum (Trident Gum may or may not be a sponsor of our group).
- April 10, 2017 -
President spotted at McDonald's and is so nice to fans
Press Secretary Avante_Garde
Today, the president and his wife, the first lady, Night-Sist- eers- NIGHT SIS, were spotted at a McDonald rest- res- restaurant, oh, that's what it says... OK, anyways, they were spotted there eating... buggers.
...
I mean "burgers!"
So, yah, the president encountered a couple of supporters and was extremely nice to them and even signed autographs. He later took group pictures with them, leaving his wifi completely unattended... "WIFE!" His "wife!" He left his "wife" completely unattended. OK!?
Nobody laugh, this is a very serious issue which the president has asked me to address. Anyways, uhh, so, he took group photos and left Sis behind. Not his sis, his wife Sis. No, not his wife's sis, his wife named Sis. Yes, now that we got that clear I will proceed to chew on some gum.
- April 10, 2017 -
MAKE TANKI ONLINE GREAT AGAIN CAMPAIGN LAUNCHED
Secretary of State GoldRock
With great fanfare and tears of joy from thousands of Tanki Online players, we have launched our campaign to Make Tanki Online Great Again. We pledge to overthrow Crooked Cedric and his lying establishment elite, to rebuild our battlefields and to make sure the EN community is for EN players. We will build a great wall in Dusseldorf and keep those Germans out. For you and your tank-children, the future is near.
